A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
What a dumb baby whore.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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