just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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