you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
