She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
