do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
