he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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