Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
