Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
