new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
