its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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