his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
