so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
