super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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