yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
