Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
