A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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