ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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