if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
