I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
