i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
