Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
