So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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