when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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