Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
