If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
