you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
FUCK WHALES
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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