Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
