I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Randomize
