dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Couch. On fire.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
