Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
