I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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