Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
No stitches, just platelets and will power
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
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