i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
