I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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