I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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