i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
