The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
