he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
