so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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