"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
