he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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