It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
