Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
