they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
