Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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