Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
