Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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