I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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