stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
