It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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