Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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