i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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