he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i dont even know how to be here
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
