thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
