Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
